You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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