i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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