like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
