Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if only i could text you this smell
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
