you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
