problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bet he comes in French.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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