i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize