wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
