I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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