Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
