PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do vagina's smell?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
