shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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