non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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