All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
