thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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