My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
