let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
