How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
