dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
