I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
