I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
