the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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