i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
