My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
