I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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