seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
