apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
