This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
