if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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