and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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