There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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