She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize