No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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