She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
