why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
