so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
