One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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