why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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