Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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