Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We just shotgunned beers for America
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize