He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
