i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
