i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
