Dude my mom stole all your condoms
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
