Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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