So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
