He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Pooping to opera.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
