Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
