Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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