I cockslap morals
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
