Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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