So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
