Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm getting married
To pizza
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
