But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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