oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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