Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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