i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
