is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
