dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
