I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
