I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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