I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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