you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
