Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
