So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
