toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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