His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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