Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
