Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
