she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
